Trusting God with our kids

When we first left for the Middle East with 5 children (the eldest of which had just turned 8), many people thought we were nuts.   Before we even left NZ we felt it was very important that our thinking was of going over as a team.  We look at our family as a team that belongs to the team in the city of T where we live. We have tried to instil into our children as much as we can that they are just as much part of the ministry here as we are. We wanted to make sure that they didn't feel dragged away from "normal" life and then to have us overcompensating for behaviours etc. because we felt guilty for what they were "missing out on".

Over the last 7 years as the children have been growing and changing there are times when we’ve really wondered if our children are getting what they need.  We have tried to refrain from being negative about the things we can see that they’re missing out on by not living in NZ, and focus on the positive aspects of living here.  We live in a small town and there are no believing children here apart from our own. 

God gave us Eph. 3:14-21 and there have been times when I have really had to hold onto this VERY firmly.  Knowing that God knows our children better than we do and is more than able to provide what they need - even if this doesn't come in the way that we may be used to from our upbringing in NZ - is good to remember.

There have been some very hard times - I think each child except for our youngest has gone through a really rough patch of about a year’s length at varying times. Of course we can’t know if this would have been different had we been in NZ, but we do have occasions when we question where we are and whether we’re putting our children under too much pressure.

 Keeping a record of words from God that people have had for us as a family and verses that have encouraged us to keep going etc. is really helpful.   During tough times we look back and know that we are in God's plan and we refuse to let the current storm dictate actions.

 There are times that I look at one or other of the children and my heart aches for them in something they’re going through – Life is tough here compared to NZ standards with no youth groups, few activities, no wider family contact, cousins etc.  - then God reminds me that He is growing them up for what HE has in mind for them. Who knows what they’ll accomplish for Him in the future that their upbringing here is preparing them for.

 Philippians 4:6 says with thanksgiving to present our requests before God. We try and model for our children being really thankful for the things we do have - eg. “You may not have cousins here but so-and-so has become like a cousin, isn't that so cool of God to provide that for you “etc.  There are times when we have to bite our tongues and perhaps lay down things that are really dear to us - the importance of growing up clean and green, freedom for teen girls to go pretty much anywhere they want on their own etc. - and just not whinge about them.

 It's hard to remember that our kids don't know what we had growing up so for them this life is normal - we need to look hard and pick out the great things to be thankful for not compare it with what life would be like should we be living in NZ. At the same time we do need to listen to them with understanding when they have a gripe about life here, and then help them turn to what they can be thankful for. There will be things that they will miss out on, there will be things that they will have to catch up on, there will be gaps in their academic education, but we serve a God who is "...able to do immeasurably more than we all we ask or imagine..." 

We have found it invaluable to have a few really strong praying friends that we can contact for more personal prayer if one of the children is going through something hard.  It needs to be someone that the children are comfortable with knowing about their personal lives, but this has made a huge difference for our children working through some very tough issues. I just ask the child in question - are you happy for me to write to Mrs. so-and-so to ask her to pray on this issue. The children let me know if they’re happy for all details to be known, or just some.

 As a mum I have no regrets about bringing up a family here. That doesn't mean it's always easy, sometimes I feel very alone on this parenting journey, but knowing that God sees the big picture is a comfort. He is my Father and I can trust Him both for myself and for my children.

Alan & Michelle (pseudonyms) and their five children have been living as Kiwis in the Middle East for 5 years. The dream of their team there is to witness a church planting movement in their region.  Family fun often involves basketball, puzzles and bucketloads of food.